Understanding The Art of Parentcare

What is the Art of Parentcare?
There is no word in the English language for the act of caring for aging people whom we love. I became aware of this when I began conceiving of a guidebook to help navigate this journey (launch date May 2025) of how family, friends and community come together, share resources of time and love as our Elders require more support. For example we don’t “babysit” our parents, we don’t “work” for them, we don’t typically “nurse” them, so I made up a word – “parentcare”. Like all forms of holding safe space during times of change – there is an art to coming alongside people we love as life ticks by, one adventure or crisis at a time.
My initial focus was providing support for family carers – helping navigate some of the typical challenges that are faced with increasing frequency as our bodies grow old. (First, we grow “older”, eventually, we grow “old”.) Over time I recognized a need to train up and support Eldercare Advocates, people to come alongside those with increasing needs who don’t fit into some of the socio-economic boxes where public funded support is available.
There is a lot of fear in American culture about “aging”. Our bodies change – things that were tight and firm become saggy, senses that were acute, soften around the edges. Stamina and endurance wane and frankly, it freaks us out. I think it is fear of our own aging that can distance us – geographically and emotionally – from the elders we love.
Songwriter Bonnie Raitt describes this on her 1989 Album “Nick of Time”:
“…I see my folks are getting on
And I watch their bodies change
I know they see the same in me
And it makes us both feel strange
No matter how you tell yourself
It’s what we all go through
Those lines are pretty hard to take
When they’re staring back at you (oh, oh, oh)
Scared you’ll run out of time
When did the choices get so hard
With so much more at stake?
Life gets mighty precious
When there’s less of it to waste…”
The Art of Parentcare is about managing our own experience of aging as we walk with those we love who are a couple decades ahead of us. “Life gets mighty precious when there’s less of it to waste…” We need to be proactive and collaborative participants on this journey – planning ahead, strategizing for some of the common “what if’s”, knowing our Plan A, Plan B, Plan C before it’s crunch time and we have to make decisions quickly. Crisis conditions remove choices and reduce time for us to evaluate options against the pillars of Comfort, Safety and Dignity. In a rush to secure safety and care, families may make choices for their Elders instead of with them.
I have often observed families as they navigate from crisis to crisis, tossed about in a tumult of reaction instead of having time to examine, weigh options, make back up plans. I lived through this tumult navigating life with an increasingly fragile Elder, and it is an unnecessarily tumultuous and stressful path for both the younger adults and their Elders. It is possible to move from “chaos” to “calm” with some intentional planning.
There is a better way – The Art of Parentcare.
If you would like to know more, please use the Calendly link on this site to schedule a consultation with me, or email me at artofparentcare@gmail.com
May you greet your days and your loved ones holding the shared values of
comfort, safety and dignity on this journey of life.
Peace,
Katherine